


You’re an idiot.

by Hello11



Series: 7 Karushuu One-shots [5]
Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Cat, Dialogue-Only, Fluff, Karushuu Week, Karushuu Week 2021, M/M, Short, karushuu, thisislate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:54:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29288655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hello11/pseuds/Hello11
Summary: "...What is this?""...""...""It's a cat, you absolute idiot."(Written for Karushuu week)
Relationships: Akabane Karma & Asano Gakushuu, Akabane Karma/Asano Gakushuu
Series: 7 Karushuu One-shots [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2129892
Comments: 2
Kudos: 74





	You’re an idiot.

**Author's Note:**

> Day 5: Cat
> 
> A dialogue-fic between two idiots.

"...What is this?"

"..."

"..."

"It's a cat, you absolute _idiot."_

"...Thank you for your excellent observational skills, _Karma_ , I hadn't noticed that this was a feline!"

"...Then?"

"What is it doing _here_ , you dunderhead?!"

"Oh, you're very slow today, aren't you, Shuu? Well, she's cute and I want to adopt her. You won't be so _cruel_ as to leave a stray cat for the dead, so she can be mine. I'm adopting her right now."

"..."

"..."

"You're kidding."

"Hardly."

"..."

"..."

"Where would you like me to begin correcting your idiocy?"

"You can't stop me, Shuu, I have all the papers and I have prepared all the necessary means for a new cat, her name shall be Nagi-chan."

"You're naming her after your _old crush?!"_

"Ah, so you're jealous! Don't worry, you're still my current lover, you'll be the name of my next cat."

"You're planning to break up with me and name a cat after me? You're planning our breakup _already?!"_

" _Already?_ I wasn't planning our breakup at all! You've been planning our breakup?"

" _Yes_ I've been planning our break up (I give us two years) _you_ haven't been—?"

"You've been _planning_ on breaking up with me? You've been stringing me along this whole time!?"

"Well, I always figured we'd either break up in two years time or—"

"You've been _planning_ our breakup? You've been planning my heartbreak? This-this was all just part of grand plan for you?! The biggest joke to play on me? I'll name a trash bag after you, is what I'll do! _You little—"_

"—we'd get married."

"— _bitc_... oh. Oh. Ohhhhhh my god."

"Yeah, oh."

"Oh."

"..."

"..."

"You can't have a cat."

"You can't stop me."

" _Yes_ , I can."

" _No_ , you can't."

_“Yes I can!”_

_“No you can't!”_

_"Yes. I. Can."_

_"No. You. Can't."_

"Karma, I forbid you from having another cat, not when we already have a few kittens on the way, and we absolutely cannot adopt this cat and name her _Nagi-chan!"_

"What's wrong with Nagi-chan?! You're just jealous of Nagisa, aren't you!?"

_"She already has a name!"_

"She's a stray! You're delusional!"

".....This cat is not a stray, you stole her from Ren and he has been taking excellent care of her, so this is catnapping of some sort. Secondly—"

"I can just adopt her from Ren, legally."

"— those adoption papers are hardly real, they were scribbled down by a two year old who you also said you'd adopt but ended up returning to his parents, who were very angry at you _kidnapping their child!_ Thirdly..."

"Tom was just a fluke, his parents are too nice to adopt from, Nagi-chan will officially be adopted by me and we'll treat her like a queen."

"...the 'necessary means' that you have bought for the cat is just my wallet filled with pictures of our two other cats (have you forgotten them?) and a whiny letter you wrote complaining that I had pictures of our cats but not you (because I love them more, what do you expect?) and that you'll throw them away and never adopt a kitty again to have my full, undivided attention, which is quite contradictory to your current actions."

"People change!"

"How indecisive are you?"

"I don't even need you, I'll raise my children on my own! I want a divorce!"

"We were never married!"

"You said you'd marry me in two years, I'm just speeding up the process!"

"By breaking up with me before we get married? A divorce before marriage!"

"What is _wrong with you_ and your obsession over marriage before divorce?"

"What do you mean _obsession_ — I'm sorry for being logical? You have to marry somebody before you can get rid of them?"

"Oh, so you only want to get married so you can strip me of my financial gains too when we break up, not only causing me heartbreak but absolute financial bankruptcy before my career even starts!"

"You imagination is just too much!? We can't have a cat! Because you're allergic! That's why we gave our two kitties to my father?! Are you just throwing away our two other babies to have another kitten who will only cause you more emotional and physical anguish so you can throw her away too? You're so cruel!"

"I'll just get anti-allergen medicine and be upon my merry way!"

"You _refused_ that medicine because you said you hated the taste!"

"Stop questioning my actions! You should just sit still and look pretty while I make my own choices! You're not my _mom (or Nagisa)!_ "

"Yes, I'm your _boyfriend_ , not your mom! _Your boyfriend_ who is currently living with you, so I _also_ have a say in whether or not we get the cat! And we won't!"

"Excuse me?! Just wait till we get married, I'll be the man of the house, who's in charge, and you won't be able to refuse any of my commands!"

" _Man of the house?_ Why are we adhering by gender roles when they clearly need to burn in a fire and die? And _now_ you want to get married?"

"Just so we can get a divorce!"

"You're insane! We're not getting divorced! Or a cat! Or married!"

_"Really?"_

_"Yes!"_

"We so will get a cat and married and divorced and you can't do anything to stop me because you'll be so happy when I propose!"

"I'm not so foolish as to get wept up with a stupid proposal that is only in place to break up with me!?"

_"Oh really!?"_

"Yes, _really_ — what are you doing now? Why are you... leaning... down... on... one...knee..."

"..."

"..."

"Will you marry me?"

"..."

"..."

"No."

"WHAT!"

"WE'RE NOT GETTING A CAT!"

"I DON'T CARE! WE'RE BREAKING UP!"

"FINE!"

"NO DON'T LEAVE ME I'M SORRY!"

"..."

"I'm...sorry... we don't need to get a cat."

"..."

"..."

"I'm in disbelief."

"I'm sorry."

"..."

"..."

"Did _you_ really just apologize to _me?_ "

"Yes, so don't leave me, we can break up in two years..."

"..."

"..."

"Please marry me ;-;"

"No."

"WHAT!"


End file.
